We Tell it Like It Is

I was showing a home to a client & her family member 2 wks ago. The home was a mess and something really odd was cooking on the stove that made the whole place reek. The meat of who knows what. It was a bit uncomfortable for us to be there because the homeowners chose to remain in the house during the showing, but the home had a lot of potential and both my buyer & I could see that. We gingerly walked through the home under the watchful eye of its owners.

We noticed that the mechanics of the home (furnace, water heater) were tucked away in this crawl space alongside the stairs. There was only a few feet of room to access the space, but I wanted to check it out to see the condition of everything. So, to prove my knowledge & real estate prowess, I sat down on the stairs, swung my feet around & into the space, slid down until my feet touched the floor and slowly let the rest of my body follow suit.

While I was poking around, the buyer's family member noticed a small door inside the crawl space while he was standing on the stairs watching me.  He reached down, opened it and pointed it out to me. Beyond the small door, there appeared to be space about 3 ft high in between the foundation and the ground that was under part of the house. It was cold & dark, had a bit of a rotting odor, and there appeared to be some containers, bags, and large pots/kettles spread around. I paused and let the scene before my eyes sink in. There were footprints in the dirt floor of the space that lead me to believe it was an area that was used often. I grabbed my cell phone hoping that the light from it could allow me to see more. The meager glow only revealed what appeared to be a propane tank hooked up to a line that went back into the house.

Out of sight of the unsuspecting homeowners, I panicked. My heart started to pound and I began to feel nauseous. Could we have stumbled upon the mother of all evils? The stuff you only hear about in stories from teachers in real estate school? Will I be on the 10:00 news? In the newspaper the next morning? Will I be awarded a gold metal for uncovering what could be the biggest bust in the Twin Cities? Accidentally stumbling over what the FBI painstakingly searches for on a daily basis? It all added up so quickly in my head..the secret space, the propane, the pots, the empty containers...it was a meth lab. I just knew it. Adrenaline rushed through my veins.

I calmly but sternly told my clients to remain on the stairs. I was going to run out to my car and pretend to get a tape measure, but will return w/a flashlight hidden in my pocket instead. I did just that in a mere 45 seconds after wildly pulling myself out of the confined space as if a bomb was about to explode. My clients innocently stood and watched, not knowing what the heck was going through my mind or what my motivation was. I returned and slid back into the space like Bo & Luke Duke into the General Lee. My heart continued to pump to the point where I could hear it throbbing in my head. My sweaty hands gripped the flashlight. My clients' eyes widened as I gave them one last determined glance before I reopened the secret door.

I clicked the flashlight on and slowly drew it upward into the darkness. I held my breath. I slowly panned the light across the area and zeroed in on the suspicious propane tank. It was connected to something else besides the house...I carefully moved the light across the tubes that lead to another large cylinder. What...on...earth?

It was a tank. With a label. A label that read: "Water Softener". My eyes narrowed. I pulled the flashlight away and began to scan the rest of the area. The empty containers read "Water Softener Salt Pellets". The empty pots...well, they were empty pots that weren't cleaned very well after they were used for cooking. Hence, the rotting smell of leftover crusty food.

"Well, looks good. No mold, solid foundation...no cracks. Good extra storage space for the homeowners," I told my clients, "Water softener looks to be in good shape too".

We left the home and I wiped my brow. I got into my car and stared at the gaping hole in the knee of my dress pants. All in a day's work. All in a day's work my friends.